I’m glad we’re
all gradually coming back to this blog—it’s like finding a way back home, like
Kate can so poetically articulate, my mother continues to redefine, and what
gives me peace of mind from the obstacles I move around, like a slalom skier, in
my daily routine that is chock-full of self-imposed regimens.
Even as a kid, I needed
to create order. My sisters and mother still pick on me for my residual
OCD-ness, my compulsions to organize and keep it together and look put-together
in the same breath. A space where I know where everything is, keeps me free of stress.
I had lived alone for years, until Molly became my roommate in Portland, ME.
We
kept house, sharing chores, and optimized the square-footage of our apartment,
promoting a nurturing environment that had nothing but good, motivating energy.
We had one rule: Keep the negative out!
And we did, by helping and supporting one another through our latest endeavors
to better ourselves in school, at work, and in our romantic relationships. We
told it how it was, not withholding or sugar-coating, because we respected each
other and wanted only happiness for the other. We laughed until it hurt, and hugged it out when we needed to cry. Now, Molly’s out West in
Mammoth, CA and I miss her like crazy, but I know she’s following her own
internal compass and rightfully I’m proud of her for doing it, getting up and
just going and honoring her adventurous spirit.
It’s amazing how much
can transpire in such a short passage of time. Only a couple years ago, it felt
like we were on the berm of making big decisions and important life choices. Today,
when I look at the Facebook feeds, or have a conversation with my mother or
either one of my sisters, everyone genuinely sounds like they are in places
that are rewarding and full of joy. And of course, this is what they deserve
and all I have ever wanted for them.
As for me, I continue
to forge ahead with the pursuit of writing. I’ve had a couple publishing
endorsements since my January graduation (I can’t believe it’s been almost
another, whole year!), and as we move into 2014 there are already a few,
exciting things on tap that will be shared as my work is released to the
public. I have no complaints in this realm. I feel I’m on track to shape a
career out of this passion of mine, and all the signs are there to keep me
confidant that I’m following the right path.
There have been some
changes, personal sacrifices and a handful of compromises. But I’ve held it
together as best as I can and have most recently discovered what coming out on
the other side of the tough stuff can do for an inspired mind. My faith in love is restored, as
past tensions subside and I heal from what I can’t undo. I’m finding for the
first time in my life that I’m following my heart, and accept fear as the
unknown challenge I’m finally ready for.
Franz Kafka had some great
insight into the important role fear plays in the development and growth of one's character: he said, by
accepting fear as part of one’s substance, it perhaps becomes the defining
attribute—how we reach for more, not knowing where the extent lies, or can be.
I’m certainly leaning
toward the future, with my face fully exposed to the wind. And I'm anticipating all the possibilities.
~Sarah
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