I Will Not Make Everyone Happy

I Will Not Make Everyone Happy

Not today or tomorrow.

I will not always intuit what others need

I will trip over my words and my feelings

Seem obtuse

And sometimes cold

Hard to reach or understand

and might easily tear up when asked what's going on

I won't always have an answer

because life gets busy and there are often competing

calamities

that captivate me

and quiet spots that deserve my attention too

shifting light and changing seasons

I will wear clothing that does not match 

just because I didn't have to iron it in the morning

and it will feel right when I put it on in the faint light

that calls to me long before the alarm sounds

after restless nights

or deep sleeps

When I wake up in the dark I almost always look out at the night sky

sometimes I even walk out on my back porch with bare feet and drag wet leaves inside

after hoping to see a star dropping, soft light tails behind it 

because that would be lucky, right?

And a wish could be made

that I could be all things

steady and right

available

earnest and honest

always kind in my thoughts and deeds

my words could be pure and my

feet would be planted

grounded

Instead I become afraid

that I am coming up short somehow

not strong enough or

determined and steady handed

Indecisive

Shifting foot to foot

With vision blurred

as I fix on a horizon, light to dark and back again

and lose my way when there is no moon to guide me

awkward and sullen dragging bags filled with what has been avoided

mismatched socks and dusty remnants, self conscious

all distractions 

I will let you down from time to time, no doubt.

And there is no sorry that will make it right

All I know to do is to keep moving forward,

reach out open handed

step, sometimes stomp

run hard and fast, walk lightly, quietly, tip toe

and breathe

and hope that you will breathe with me.
Please breathe with me.