I Will Not Make Everyone Happy
Not today or tomorrow.
I will not always intuit what others need
I will trip over my words and my feelings
Seem obtuse
And sometimes cold
Hard to reach or understand
and might easily tear up when asked what's going on
I won't always have an answer
because life gets busy and there are often competing
calamities
that captivate me
and quiet spots that deserve my attention too
shifting light and changing seasons
I will wear clothing that does not match
just because I didn't have to iron it in the morning
and it will feel right when I put it on in the faint light
that calls to me long before the alarm sounds
after restless nights
or deep sleeps
When I wake up in the dark I almost always look out at the night sky
sometimes I even walk out on my back porch with bare feet and drag wet leaves inside
after hoping to see a star dropping, soft light tails behind it
because that would be lucky, right?
And a wish could be made
that I could be all things
steady and right
available
earnest and honest
always kind in my thoughts and deeds
my words could be pure and my
feet would be planted
grounded
Instead I become afraid
that I am coming up short somehow
not strong enough or
determined and steady handed
Indecisive
Shifting foot to foot
With vision blurred
as I fix on a horizon, light to dark and back again
and lose my way when there is no moon to guide me
awkward and sullen dragging bags filled with what has been avoided
mismatched socks and dusty remnants, self conscious
all distractions
I will let you down from time to time, no doubt.
And there is no sorry that will make it right
All I know to do is to keep moving forward,
reach out open handed
step, sometimes stomp
run hard and fast, walk lightly, quietly, tip toe
and breathe
and hope that you will breathe with me.
Please breathe with me.
